dating. I thought of the Swedish operation, but I'm not a rich girl. And the operation probably wouldn't solve any of my problems with men. I'm not even sure I could find the love I want in a man. I once thought I could, but now I think an operation would just be a colossal waste of time, money, and a big mistake.

"I went out with several of the boys in the office. But every time I felt myself beginning to like a boy, or thought he might be falling for me I had to back away, to become aloof. I knew what would happen if they ever found out.

"I knew till I met Harry, that is. That was last December. I had just gotten off work. A cold wet snow was falling, clinging to my hair and dripping down my back. This guy drove past and splattered slush all over me. It went down my boots, down my coat, even down my blouse. He must have seen it happen. He parked his car, came back and apologized and offered to take me home to make amends. Of course I don't make a habit of accepting rides from strangers, but I was cold and wet through. Besides, I really didn't care what happened to me anyway.

"Well, that's how I met Harry. He walked me to my door under his umbrella. He said he wouldn't let me go in till I'd made a date with him. I was a little worried when I did it, but I'll admit it thrilled me all through.

"I dated Harry for nearly a year. I knew all along how dirty it was not to tell him, but somehow I just couldn't make myself. I'm sure I loved him in a way. I still do. But it was never the same as with Fay. Harry didn't accept me as me. But then how could he if I never told him? Oh, if I could just convince myself that he would have understood. If he could have, then someone else might. I would have some reason for living. But I could never trust Harry to understand. I instinctively knew what a girl would think, but I didn't know what to expect from a man.

"So I never told him. I just played the virgin queen with him. Whenever he tried to get sexual with me I pushed his hands away. I don't think it should be that way, but the rejections seemed to make him love me that much more. I never liked that in men. They try to make every girl they get near, but when

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